flight of fancy

Chopper rides have been one of the fringe benefits of this job. I enjoy it immensely. There's nothing like seeing a mission come to its fruition. That is itself is its own reward.

It's been a really long day organizing this flight - 8 hours long in fact. But as soon as the chopper landed, adrenaline kept me going once again. And as Timothy and Soula flew off into the sunset, back to the sea of lights in Manila, a wave of contentment flooded over me. Can't help thinking proudly to myself "See, that's how it's done!".

I've been at this job for 8 years now. And I have to say that it's been quite a wild ride. It's hard not to take things seriously in my line of work. But for some reason I have always felt that I was meant to be here. Maybe my mom just brainwashed me too much that I really didn't think of doing anything else or maybe it really is my calling. Who knows? What I do know though, is that when you have been blessed enough to have been given all these opportunities, you too are duty bound to give back -- to the world, to life -- by being the best that I could be and more.

I have to be completely honest though. I'm totally having a hard time writing a blog, because I feel so naked in front of strangers. And I don't think anyone else would be interested in anything that I had to say -- talk about insecurity...But at 4 o'clock in the morning I think I'm entitled to feel what I want to feel, right? So from now on, I will resolve to write this blog like I talk to myself and pretend that no one is reading it except me. So I will now write, not to impress you, but to express me -- which is how it ought to be.

So I will let my thoughts fly fancy free and simply enjoy the experience. Hopefully, there'll be something to learn from this forced introspection.

In this flight of fancy, I hope to discover ME.

fam·i·ly ('fam-lE)

1 : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : HOUSEHOLD
2 a : a group of persons of common ancestry : CLAN b : a people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : RACE
3 a : a group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : FELLOWSHIP b :
4 : a group of things related by common characteristics: as a : a closely related series of elements or chemical compounds b : a group of soils that have similar profiles and include one or more series c : a group of related languages descended from a single ancestral language
5 a : the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their own or adopted children; also : any of various social units differing from but regarded as equivalent to the traditional family b : spouse and children
6 a : a group of related plants or animals forming a category ranking above a genus and below an order and usually comprising several to many genera b in livestock breeding (1) : the descendants or line of a particular individual especially of some outstanding female (2) : an identifiable strain within a breed
7 : a set of curves or surfaces whose equations differ only in parameters
8 : a unit of a crime syndicate (as the Mafia) operating within a geographical area

there are so many meanings associated with this word...but what does it really mean to you...

i just finished talking to my sister-in-law...and i just realized that ours is really not a typical family at all...not by leaps and bounds

my father died when i was 2 years old, and my mom had a relationship with a former classmate she met on a reunion...and i called him 'dad' because for all intents and purposes he WAS my dad

but my stepdad (i refer to him as that even though they were not married) had multiple relationships and children with other women...but it was the 80's, and people tended to turn a blind eye to stuff like that...it was actually a source of pride how many conquests you had...

what i learned from my mom, though, was that, however bad she may have felt having been betrayed many times over and being unable to do anything about it, she never let it affect the way she treated my dad's kids... in fact, she would often welcome them to the house to play with us...because she believed that kids really have nothing to do with how screwed up their parents life may be...

i carried this belief as i entered in a relationship where my boyfriend, now my husband, had three kids from a former lover (they were not married, don't ask me how three kids could result in such a relationship, but it did...and in fairness to my husband, he was not a big believer in marriage at that time but when he commits, he does so wholeheartedly....

i became what i hadmost feared...i became a setpmom...

now, this can go both ways, you can imagine... i could be a total bitch...or a real angel...hahaha

oh, and i had a ball...you know why...because I LOVE THESE KIDS...love them like my own...i can't begin to tell you my plans, my dreams, my hopes for their lives...and like i said, my mom taught me, kids are not to blame for whatever mess their parents are in...

and so here i am, writing about the concept of family, because that's what it really is...a concept

yesterday, i nearly cried...my youngest daughter (actually my husband's) was talking to me and she said " i wish you were my real mommy"...if you ask her where she comes from, she would tell you "from my mommy's heart" ...because she did not spring from my blood, but instead from my innermost wish of becoming a mother...

so i guess, it doesn't matter, your race, creed, belief...when you are united...by love...then you come from each others heart...and you are a FAMILY